I Hate my Father with a Passion and I want to kill him – Agnes

angry dadPlease, help me. I hate my father with a passion and I could kill him if given the opportunity, but everybody kept telling me that my siblings and I have no other choice but to take him back and behave as if nothing has happened.

I never knew him when I was growing up. I only knew my mother, she was always there for us; my two brothers and I. She single-handedly raised us until she fell ill and we all thought what she had was malaria, not knowing that she was suffering from dementia.

According to my mother, she met my father, who was then a school teacher while she was studying for her OND at a polytechnic.

Unfortunately, she was sent away from home to live with him. Of course, she had to stop schooling; she got a job after she gave birth to me because she had to work to augment what her husband was earning as a school teacher.

He was also at that time studying for his degree on a part-time basis, so my mother had no choice but to work and supplement his earning. The agreement then was that she would go back to school as soon as I was old enough to be left at school.

Unfortunately, that was not to be because, she became pregnant again before I was two. She also was however not a darling of my father’s family because they felt she came into his life at a time he needed to lay a solid foundation for his life.

This was how my mother began the journey of a miserable life without love and support. By the time my father finished his degree, he got another good job in a bank and the next thing he did was to get himself another wife in the Eastern part of the country where his bank transferred him to.

As a result of this, he abandoned us and our mother. My mother had to go back to her family, but as of that time, it was a little late, as her father, though sick still didn’t want to see her. Her mother tried to help out in her own little way. Her father however died shortly after without including her as a beneficiary of anything in his will and estate.

Her siblings; two of them however did not make things easy for her as they were too greedy to help her. She lived a miserable life. When things became very difficult for us, people advised her to go look for our father. She went and what she found out turned her life around for worse, because she learnt daddy was married to another woman and already had another family.

She fell seriously ill and we all were treating her for acute malaria. I should also let you know that at 15, I met and was impregnated by a man who I felt loved me. He promised to help my family when I told him about our situation. I had already dropped out of school and I had to hawk a lot of things for us to feed,

When I became pregnant, this man begged me to leave the pregnancy. I never knew he was childless until I delivered the baby boy who he and his wife connived and took away from me.

As earlier stated, my mother became very ill and before a Good Samaritan from our church could help, she had already gone deep in the state of dementia and she was taken to University College Hospital (UCH) Ibadan for treatment. We, my siblings and I were then left at the mercy of the church and the duty of fending for my siblings fell on me. We all stopped going to school.

When we could no longer continue paying hospital bills, she stopped taking treatment, we all stayed at the church and lived on the little the church was able to help us with. This was because our benefactor travelled out of the country. She came back a year after and was very disappointed at mum’s state of health. She assisted in transferring her to Neuropsychitric hospital, ARO in Abeokuta. With the little information she was able to extract from mummy during her few moments, she advised that we try to locate our father.

She really helped through her connections. She was able to locate our supposed father. Apparently, he had been sent away from the bank, his Igbo wife left him taking away their two sons. He was left with nothing; he couldn’t come down South for the shame of what happened to him.

He is interested in meeting us, but I don’t want to meet him or have anything to do with him. People think I am arrogant and unreasonable, but I have my life. He cannot just walk back into our lives as if nothing happened after making my mother run mad.

Without him, God has been faithful, so what do we need him for? Aunty Taiwo, please, I need your help. A friend advised that I should write to you.

—- Tribune NG

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