Is your man a frequent liar much like other people are frequent fliers? Have you caught him in a number of ‘senseless’ lies or half truths that he shrugs off or tries to explain away? The lies are senseless to you since you just cannot understand why he does it. It seems to you that the truth would be so much easier but he clearly has a different perspective. So why does he lie to you?
1. Loss of dignity or face. Dignity or his idea of what that entails can be a never ending motive for him to lie to you. If he has this image in his mind of who he is and what he wants the world (and you especially) to think of him then he will maintain that image at ALL costs…and if he has to lie to do so then he will! If he suspects that you are beginning to see him in a less than what-he-wants-to-project light then he will lie to get back your perspective of him to where he wants it to be. This is a real problem early in the relationship when he is trying to impress you with his greatness but if your man’s ego is fragile or bigger than life then his lies may be a constant reality throughout your relationship.
2. Loss of respect by you or others. He wants your respect or admiration or high regard and he will lie to you to get it and to keep it. He may embellish or exaggerate his position or his achievements or his childhood or his performance or his intelligence or whatever else he prides himself on, so that you can continue to think highly of him and all that he is or was or continues to be.
3. He fears that you may not accept him as he is.Yes he also has self esteem issues buried somewhere under that muscular (or not so muscular) chest and he suspects that if you knew who he really was then you would not want him in your life or you would not be interested in being with him. He thus lies to you so that he can provide you with the type of man that he believes that you want. This is especially true when he really likes you but he knows that there are aspects or things that he does that will repeal you. He lies to you at the beginning with the hope that with time you will be able to like and accept all that he is.
4. He fears that you will reject him. He will lie when he thinks that you will reject him or his advances. This is particularly true when you have just met or are in the early days when you are both wary of each other and are busy sizing each other up. If he really likes what he sees in you but isn’t sure about how you feel then he may lie to ensure that you accept him.
5. He fears ridicule. He may fear that if you knew something’s about him then you would poke fun at him. You may think that it is innocent fun but if you tend to make fun of him most of the time then he will lie or omit telling you things so as to stop providing you with the ammunition that you will use to mock him or his efforts or his performance or whatever it is that you enjoy teasing him about.
6. He fears failure. Men abhor failure in any form as many of them find accomplishment and wellbeing in their career successes. If he is not doing as well as his male friends or colleagues then he may lie by omitting to tell you the true state of how things really are. If he is going through financial strain or even possible job loss then he may keep that to himself and he may genuinely feel that he is protecting you by not letting you know how bad things really are. He somehow hopes that the silence or lies will shield him from the harsh reality that he is not providing as a ‘real’ man should.
7. He is afraid that you may discover a truth that may threaten the relationship or your image of him. A guy may lie if he knows that there are things that he may have done or been involved in that would destroy your relationship if you found out. If he has a criminal or unsavory past then he may not disclose that to you if he thinks it would jeopardize what he has with you.
8. He fears punishment. He may have done something stupid or something that can hurt you…if you found out. He may therefore lie to avoid the consequences of his deeds. If he had a meaningless one-night stand or he is having an affair or he has lost that loving feeling for you then confession will not be a top priority for him. He will thus lie to you so as to keep your wrath and hurt away from him for as long as possible.
A man lies to you for various reasons but if you can find out why you man is lying to you then you can find a way to stop him feeling the need or compulsion to lie to you. Lies erode the trust that you have in your man especially when they occur in what you consider key areas and they can stunt the growth of a relationship if not understood or dealt with.
By Rosy Anderson
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November 22, 2011, 8:39 pm
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