My Husband is Sleeping with my Cousin, How do I handle the Situation

My-HusbaMy heart is very heavy as I write to you. I don’t know what to do or who to trust any longer. This world is not a place where you trust people, especially people close to you.

I am so disappointed and disillusioned. What should I do? My mother and younger sister are trying to shield me from the hurt and heartache as they have refused to tell me what they saw.

But I heard everything they discussed. They thought I had slept, fortunately, I did not. I am yet to let them know I heard everything they discussed that fateful day, two weeks ago.

How do I handle this situation? What do I do with a husband I trusted so much? A man who is my world and love.One who I gave all the love in my heart, but decided to cheat on me with my cousin; someone who I equally trusted and I thought was the best thing that could have happened to me. I thought she was God sent. I saw her as the angel God sent to me to help during my trying period. I never knew she had other motives.

My husband and I met at the orientation camp when we went for youth service and started our relationship which later led to the altar. We waited on the Lord for the fruit of the womb for seven years after marriage. And when the blessing came, it was one ailment after the other during the first trimester of the pregnancy.It even led to my having to resign my appointment from the bank where I worked to take care of myself. I was not stable until I was about seven months and then there was no point going back to work.

Unfortunately, I fell ill again after I gave birth to my baby; a lovely baby girl. It was as if Temidayo, my daughter, knew the circumstances on the ground; she is really a peaceful and loving baby, never asking for much attention or giving any problem.

I stayed in the hospital for over three months. At a point, my baby was discharged to go home and my mother had to take her to her place. My husband at about that time was transferred to the Onitsha branch of his office. He works with a telecommunications company, so once in a while whenever he came home, he would go to my mother’s place because of Temidayo.

My cousin, Helen, my age group who had lived with us since she was 12 years old, was also on hand to help me.My mother, raised us like sisters and outsiders who are not family members would never know that we were not siblings. She raised us together. She would have got married before me, but her fiance disappointed her few weeks before the wedding day as he ran away with a former girlfriend.

Her sorrow at that time was shared by every member of my family and we all stood by her to make sure that she stood on her feet again. I really don’t understand why she chose to pay me back this way.

While I was in the hospital, she stood by me and really helped in taking care of my daughter.

When I was discharged from the hospital, I had to go and stay at my mother’s place because I could not stay at home alone.

That same weekend, my husband came home and also decided to sleep at our house, because according to him, he had no one at home. I was very excited because I felt he really loved and cared about me. I never knew he had an agenda.

I had been sleeping in my mother’s room, but because my husband was going to stay for the night, my mother said we could sleep at the guest room. I went for a shower and got ready for bed in my mother’s room and by the time I went through my toilet routine, I became very tired and dozed off.

I didn’t know the time, but I guessed it was late. I felt my mother and younger sister crept into the room and they were talking in hushed tones. Initially, I thought, something happened to my baby, but I felt her beside me on the bed breathing. They kept glancing at me to confirm if I was sleeping.

Their attitude made me suspicious, so I pretended I was sleeping. I overheard them talking about Helen and my husband. What I heard shocked me; my mother caught Helen and my husband having s33x on the terrace in our house.

It was very hot that night and our generator was bad, so they could not put it on. They all went on the terrace to enjoy fresh air. My mummy and sister came down to take care of Temidayo, leaving Helen and my husband.

Mummy said she thought they must have gone into their various rooms and left the door unlocked. She wanted to lock the door so that she could wake me to go and sleep in the guest room with my husband.

On a second thought, she wanted to double check, she climbed the staircase, lo and behold, she caught them right in the act. They were so engrossed in the act that they did not see her coming. She also listened to their conversation; it was there that she learnt that they had been doing this for some time now, even before I was discharged from the hospital. She did not keep quiet; she ensured that they saw her by calling their names and confronted them with all she had heard.

They, however, pleaded that she should not tell me what she saw and heard. This was very overwhelming to her, that she needed to tell someone.

Reasons Why Men Cheat on Their Partners

I was too shocked to react, there and then. I however refused to go and share the bed with my husband that night. He also did not force me. He came to ask and I refused. My mother, didn’t even speak with him.

I was too shocked and sad to discuss this with anybody. My mother and sister haven’t told me either. They have been treating me with extra care since then. Helen however did not know that I was aware of the whole saga. I noticed she has been avoiding my mother too and whenever she is with me, with my mum’s absence she tries to be extra nice.

My Husband has Been Seeing Another Woman For 3 Years & Has A Child With Her

She would bring different gifts on her way from the office. But I can’t continue to pretend I did not hear or know what happened. Please, what should I do? I can’t stand my cousin any more. I can’t continue to pretend to my husband any longer and I want to relieve my mother and sister of the burden. What should I do?


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Comments 49

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  1. I am sory this has happened to you. I wish I could relieve your pain. This is what I think you should do:

    1. Take heart and do not overreact. Go to your mom and confirm with her if you heard right or not. Be calm and plead with her to tell you the truth of exactly what happened so that you dont have the wrong information and hurt for nothing.

    2. If it is confirmed true, then still hold your peace. I know it is not easy but do it. they say that TWO WRONGS CAN NEVER MAKE A RIGHT. Go and talk to your husband about it. Tell him this is what you have heard and what his his side of the story. Please do not go fighting. Ask him peacefully. your approach is very important. A peacefull approach will make him open to you.

    3. should he admit he did it, try and show him in a peacefull way how this has affected you and hurt you. Say everything you feel like saying. but be respectful as not to lose your reason. If he asks for apology, do eventually forgive him. To err is human but to forgive is devine.

    4. Dont entertain bad idea at all, i know cheating is hurting but remember that above all, it is your husband and you should not allow the devil to destroy your home. This is the greatest weapon the devi uses. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, PRAY FOR HIM AND IF YOU CAN START A FAMILLY PRAYER EVERY DAY. GO ON YOUR KNEES AND PRAY. NO ONE CAN STOP A MAN FROM CHEATING NOT EVEN HIMSELF BUT GOD. AND FORGIVE YOUR COUSIN TOO AFTER TALKING TO HER AND SHOWING HER HOW HURT YOU ARE OVER WHAT SHE DID. WHETHER SHE ASKS FOR FORGIVENESS OR NOT, FORGIVE HER GENUINELY.
    And let God do the rest. Prayer is the only key. And still love your cousin and God who rewards all according to their deeds shall see through this matter and reward each one of you accordingly. One thing I promiss you is that no sin shall ever go unpunished. Let God do the revenge. do not do it yourself. and pray for your cousin. she needs God.

    5. I do not know your relationship with God and how strong it is, but ensure your relationship with the almighty is great as he is the only source of strength in the day of trouble. If you need support of any kind, you can email me at the 1st letter is L for lamb.
    Good luck.

    1. Good advice bro, But in addition, you do not want to leave your hubby( if you can help it) just because he cheated on you. Try and forgive him if truly he pleads for forgiveness, because my dear, there are no much saint out there. 

  2. I know the pain of being betrayed especially by people you really trust and love with the whole of your heart could be devastating and very painful, but this is the time to confront things and handle it the best possible way you can, first let your man know that you are aware of the infidelity between him and your cousin, how remorseful he is would let you know if he still loves you or not, then your cousin has got to go there’s no point keeping her near your man anymore, you may get angry at your man but you have to learn to forgive him If you still love him.

  3. So, it’s always the wife’s duty to keep her marriage? If she confronts this man any other way but calm and quite she’s allowing the devil to break her marriage? Has it occurred to anyone that when he decided to cheat on her he & he alone already invited the devil 2 destroy his house? This man is not a retard 2 b taken advantage of by his wife’s cousin. I’m certain that he made the first move. If his in-law did then he shld have been bigger than that. After all shouldn’t he be the stronger vessel?
    Listen, the truth of the matter is this – the fact that he can s3x his cousin in law, what makes anyone think he is not doing it with other women? After all, they are unrelated.
    My question is – what would be your advice to him if she was unfaithful?Would u have said 2 him 2 approach calmly and everything else to prevent the devil from destroying his home?
    Hasn’t a woman enough burden to bear in this world? Why must she now be encouraged to create the environment to perpetuate her husband’s unfaithful? Don’t a woman has feelings towards other men? How is that she decides to remain true to her husband? Can’t the husband do the same?

    1. I quite agree with u. The double standard sucks. If it’s the woman, the whole world would have heard about it. Like the saying goes, it is a Man world. God w

      1. My favorite cousin had slept with my husband 39 years ago. When I asked my husband about it he told me it was true.
        When I talked to my cousin about it she lied and told me he raped her.
        If he would have raped her she would not have kept it a secret.
        Because I found out about it 2 years after it happrned.I believed my husband because he also told me thr truth about the fact that he was cheating on me during out marriage.
        I filed for divorce 6 months later .
        As a Christian I tried to make the marriage work but after 6 months and knowing he wasn’t going to stop hid cheating I lost all respect for him and our marriage was over.
        Three years ago I eas very ill and she started calling me on a weekly basis.
        The past has never been brought up between us. The relationship was broken between us for over 34 years or so.I have been well for just 4 months now.and since getting well her phones calls have stopped.
        Also no more personal messages sent back and forth between us on facebook. Now when I post something she doesn’t like she quotes scripture to me and corrects me with her opinions that differ from mine. I have now unfriended her and I am angry about her lies and I want to tell her that she lied all those years ago and as a Christian why has she never apologized to me. There are so many ways in the last 3 years that she has hurt me by posting things on facebook about things my mother shared with her because my mother was asking her to pray for me over my illness. My illness is a mental illness , I am bipolar 1 and she shared my illness publicly for all of our family and my friends to see.
        I am now open about my illness but it has a stigma attached to it and my family and friends don’t understand mania and suicidal depression.
        my question is it a healthy decision to confront her or just let it go??

    2. Wauw well said. Men are no retards that cannot controle themselves. The circumstances under which he chose to cheat on his wife are also deeply sad. While she was stuggeling with her health and just having their newborn baby. Am very sorry for this woman. I wish a respectful and intelligent man will replace this no-good husband and show her that life does give second chances. If the husband wanted this second chance, he should have already come clean and beg for her forgiveness.

    3. Men are no retards that cannot controle themselves at all when the goings get a bit though. The circumstances under which he chose to cheat on his wife are deeply sad. While she was stuggeling with her health after just giving birth their newborn baby. Am so sorry for this woman. I wish a respectful, intelligent and worthy man will replace this no-good husband and show her that life does offer second chances. If the husband wanted his second chance in life with her, he should have already come clean and beg for her forgiveness. People make mistakes but some cause too much pain to move on from.

    4. oohh tell them if it was the woman the man would’ve already broadcast it to all his friends on what a cheap slut she is, why should the woman always be the one to forgive and then act as if everything is fine again if it was the man he wont think twice to fill for a divorce

    5. hmmm,i’ve wondered the same thing too? why is always the woman that has the whole lot to bear when it comes to marriage? we r the once to dress well,we r the once that shdnt get fat,we r the once that must tolerate all kinds of rubbish,funny enough we r the ONLY onces that shd pray too! isnt this not ridiculous? i never hear people advise men to pray ,why? God help us.

  4. what else can i say, important has said it all. But i would like to say again for d sake of emphasis that TWO WRONGS CAN NEVER MAKE A RIGHT. The woman should do everything possible to keep her marriage. we all know d negative effect divorce has on family especially the children. besides we should learn to forgive and forget, it’s not easy but wif the help of God it is.

  5. Hi , d forst thing to do is finding out d exalt true.then put urself 2gather and see if u can get dem redhanded b/4 reacting but mind u don’t over react or reacting on surpect.

  6. Don’t revenge rather pray and ask God the strength to carry the cross.
    then go to Ur husband in a lovely way and ask him whether it is true or not, if it is true cry to him and tell him that you still love him and also tell him that you have forgiven him b/c to err is human and to forgive is divine

  7. My dear sister,l want you to know that the battle you are in now is not for you but for the lord.we have seen the worst and we have heard the worst.l want to inform you that with prayer you can win this sister no matter what do not leave your home for your evil cousin.there is no situation that God can not handle just try and give him this one and you will give a big testimony.

  8. i will be very honesty to if the man cheat on you once he will do it again, you need to let him know that you already hear the situation and you are living him for that reason. 

  9. Studies show about 60% of both men and women indulge in extra s3xual relationship, among which most of the cases take place with in the family circle, out of them 90% cases never come to light and 10% do not hide and that create the turmoil, S3x is no love but a fun which is supposed to be enjoyed by legal couple as per social obligation. All most of the men love their wives as an only ultimate love in spite of being engaged in extra marital relation, where as women in most of the cases slowly detaches themselves  from their husband sentimentally giving rise to divorce.
       In fact no gender is totally trust worthy. One should accept one self as one among ten but instead of breaking up one should tackle the case wisely. Do you know ‘ when does woman takes killer step in such cases?’. Mainly 1. when she is financially independent, 2. when some other man seems sound and he supports her. 3. if she has a male child, 4. when she falls in to depression.
    Things may happen from both the sides s3x has no influence on love indeed. Otherwise there would be no prostitutes in the world. Better you don’t disclose that you are aware of the fact but show that you are very much disturbed by over hearing some thing that points his infidelity and having been involved in s3x  affair what you can not tolerate at any cost. As all know parents do not expose such things to their children even though they are badly hurt.
    This can shock and shake the husband and he will not take further risk . Give him lot of love and make him psychologically submissive. Man is man and woman as wife mostly vie over his heart and mind. These measures are not effective for women committing to be in such affair. Love your family and never don’t make your mind prepared to lead dissociated life. That will help yo in your persistence. 
       Just think, if the fact had not come into light your mindset would not have disturbed. You are lucky that you didn’t catch him red-handed otherwise things would be worst and fate would take you and him to desert. To err is man, of course woman too. Pardon him and take actions wisely. Love your love and never let it become hate. What is yours is yours and never lose it at any cost.
    It’s a brief advice of your brother please mind it. Wish you all the best.

  10. My dear sister never react easily nd u hve to look 4da truth coz reality z better than imagination nd u knw that the effect of devorce to afamily

  11. its too heavy, its too hard to think. right? we’re the same on some things. the time that i knew my husband cheated on me, but it’s only on the cellphone. not actual. But its really really hurt. i don’t want to tell it to anybody, coz i don’t want them to give an advice that can’t help me on my problem. something like words that can lessen the heartaches. But the truth, they really don’t know how heavy to carry it. one thing i can tell you is, you are the only one who can teach yourself to breath easily, you’re the only one who can cure your heart. because it is yourself, the power to move on is in your heart and mind. sometimes we need to be selfish, because we cannot live any longer with a man that do no deserved us….. just cry, think, and you can pass to that nightmare of your life.. i hope for you the best life your true family can give you, and to an unconditional love your child can give you…  god bless you.

  12. you did very good job while you share and get opinion from different people. it will relieve the stress and tension,as well as, the best way to let them both your hubby and cousin to understand that you knew every thing that should not be happen in your relationship.create a situation that take there attention to this article.hope for the best and keep praying.

  13. This is a very sad story. i know what it feels like anyway as have been there . u have to know that in trusting a man, exclude trusting him s3xually, cos in that regard no man is worth trusting.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and note that no man is worth dying for. wen a woman loses her husband , she is willing to stay a number of years befor remarrying ,if………, but if its a man that looses her wife befor u know it, he marries another. yes he sleeps with ur causin, he also do sleep with other women that u may not know, soooo…..what are we talking about? pls hold on to God and keep praying and live ur beautiful life.

  14. if you shared everything with her your whole life, you can share with her your husband as well. so long as he can satisfy ya all! seriously lol

  15. you should fight with your husband and don’t leave him and tell the reality of your cousin to her mom nd dad and ur mom nd dad too.

  16. hi ,my heart felt sympathy to u in this situation u are in.even if i were in your shoes i don know wat 2 do but please my sister take easy for now.the world this days is moving in reverve gear which people some times don deserve,b’se situations like this are unimaginable and yet they are rampant .for u the first thing is 2 know the xact truth abt this matter from ur mother and sister and confront ur so call husband to tell the truth and why he did,just b kind to him and let him feel the pain he has caused 2 u,and if he can make a u turn on such mess gud for the family otherwise if things go this way then there is no choice but going for the worst or else u will see ur co-wife soon i don lie whoever she may b ,but for your cousin God should hav mercy on her for accepting 2 spoil yr marriage with yr also senseless untrusted hushand he is a devil same on him.

    nice time please .thank u for sharing your problems.let mi hope my little advice help u in one way or another.i will pray for u plz,GOD bless you.

  17. i just want to share my experience and testimony here.. i was married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost?then he filed for whole life was turning apart and i didn’t know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster?so i decided to try it reluctantly..although i didn’t believe in all those things? then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes.i just couldn’t believe it.. anyways we are back together now and we are case anyone needs this man, his email address prophetsalifu @ gmail . com, his spells is for a better life. again his email is prophetsalifu @ yahoo . com

  18. Once the money for the items has been gotten, then it will only take 12 hours before he will return back to you OK! So do not doubt my word OK! and believe in me and believe in what i am telling you OK! immediately i have gotten the money for the items, then all your problems will be solved immediately OK!

  19. two options dear, if ur not woman to end both lifes, then pls shout the fuck up and walk away from the marriage………………..

  20. I caught my boyfriend cheating N the act..over 4 yrs ago with my cousin.. 1st cousin..our.mothers.are sisters with the same mother. Me in my boyfriend had been together around 5yrs at that time…we had 2 children together as well. I heard around that they slept around before but i didnt.believe be true… but after i caught him.cheating we seperated for.only about a month…he called N called crying i thought i forgave him.. n my cousin it took longer but we are back on speaking terms.. this happened over 4 yrs ago..he has beem faithfull in trying to prove he loves me and how.sorry.he is since it happend.. but lately i been having dreams about the 2 .of them again.. i know he not cheating and havent cheated since.. we just moved into our first home we r both 33 yrs old..we have 6 kids..2 of our children he is there birth father the other 4 was mine before i got with him.. all of a sudden im reliving his cheating n my dreams im picking fights.with him all the time..i dont want to have.s33x.. what has happend is this relationship over i do love him..i just cant foeget what happend please help me

  21. Im one of those cousins u call the Devil. Please hear this side of the dirty cousins story and maybe you find some forgiveness for ur cousin. I was in a horribly abusive marriage for 18 years. There was no fun, no happiness, no pleasure, no love, no joy for 18 years. Just fear and disappointment. I gained 130 extra pounds during my marriage. Finally had an opportunity to escape my husband when he went to jail. I dropped 100 pounds right away thought I was finding myself again. My cousins husband took me out to dinner while on a business trip. I lived on the west coast he lives on the east. We drank too much and got into a deap conversation about our problems and relationships, next thing I know…. He kissed me. I was shocked, he shook like a fish because thought I was going to k1ll him. Problem was. I really liked the kiss. It had been so long since I had been kissed and held like that. I couldnt control myself or stop him. I new this was very wrong. Very very wrong. I told him that this would never go anywhere yet I continued to let him kiss me. I thought that maybe since we both had so much to lose to ever let this be known, that this could maybe work if we both agree not to fall Inlove and never tell. This affair went on for two years. He purposly found work on the west coast to be with me. Unfortunately 6months into it he confessed he loved me. I loved him too. We both agreed that he still would never leave his family. I really never wanted them to ever learn about our affair. One night I received a call from my cousin informing me that she found out about our affair. My lovely ex called her because he had suspicions. I also learned that night he had been sleeping with another woman all along on the east coast. I have been completely disowned by my cousin and her family. She has notified the world and all our family members and has chosen to place all the blame on me and has forgiven her husband. I haven’t spoken to him since she found out 6 months ago. I tried to talk to him one time and he hung up on me as soon as he heard my voice. My family tells me that he is blaming me for the affair. I made a huge mistake ever trusting that man, and I will likely go to hell because of this horrible mistake. My cousin says their marriage has never been stronger and that our affair brought them closer. I wish I had made a different decision the first time he kissed me. I wish I had slaapped his face and ran to the phone to call my cousin. I made a horrible mistake and I have to live with knowing I broke my cousins heart for the rest of my life. For no good reason at all.

  22. I’m leaving with my cousin for 7 years in my house because I was sick the family decided to send her to look after me,yes she is a good women with good heart,my the problem started when suspecting that she is sleeping with my man,there is a time when we go out as couples,my man was beat me up saying I was smiling at my cousin’s boyfriend and I didn’t do that, my suspicions become so strong and when we fight with my man my cousin always told me to leave my man sometimes she said that she hate him,so I’m confused if they are really sleeping

My Husband is Sleeping with my Cousin, How do I handle the Situation

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